Today is an emotional day for me. It’s been exactly a year since my dad joined my mom in heaven.
If you are familiar with my blogs you know that I lost my mom in 2017, followed by her mom in 2018, then my uncle and my dad in 2020. They all lived in one household.
The cause of their early demise? Cancer, broken heart, stroke – stress, unhappiness, pain from the past…..
So yeah, now it’s only me and my brother and he already beat cancer once. It is a really interesting and somewhat scary feeling knowing that I’m the only one in my family who hasn’t had any major or life-threatening diseases. Why is that?
As I sit here and think about my dad and my family, tears are rolling down my cheeks. Am I sad? Angry? Ashamed? Do I feel guilty for not attending his funeral? For not spending more time with him? For not getting to know him better? For not helping him out more? For not knowing his favorite color, song, or a movie? What do I feel?
I feel a lot of emotions. My dear friend and mentor, Ben, helped me to understand my feelings and how to shift them by asking me a few questions. His coaching method helped me to find – and to feel – my REAL feelings, not the sadness and guilt I felt.
I want to create the same shift for you. I want you to have tools that make you get in touch with your REAL feelings and allow you to let go of the self-imposed feelings and emotions that make your life “hell on Earth”.
In this blog, I want to share with you 5 choices only YOU can make to heal the pain of your past and start living your life as the real and pure you.
You can do with this information whatever you feel like. Shake your head, dismiss it for some esoteric crap – or you can use it to start living your life consciously and happily.
Healing your life
Let me start by saying that it is absolutely possible, doable, and reachable to no longer be affected by your past. My clients and even myself are living proof.
Healing your life doesn’t mean that those painful and unpleasant memories will disappear, or that you no longer will feel those emotions again. No.
What I mean is –
“YOU can make the choice of NOT allowing your past to keep you chained to the pain.”
Healing happens when you are willing to see that you are stuck.
Healing happens when you decide to keep that part of you in the past.
Healing happens when you choose to create a new, healthier and happier version of you.
Yes, I said “create”. You can create a new you, without revisiting whatever happened to you in the past. There is no need for that. It already happened, it is done.
So why do you allow yourself, your body and your mind to keep living in that painful moment?
Happiness is a choice you need to make consciously every single day!
I know what you are thinking – ‘What a bunch of new age BS is this?’ I get that. It is not easy to see the endless possibilities you have when you are stuck.
Below choices are available to you right now, right here. You don’t have to go to a monastery and meditate with the monks for months. You don’t have to detox or cleanse your body by drinking cayenne pepper and mint water.
They are right here – waiting for you to make them.
Are you ready?
- Make the choice to change
You’ve been living in the past for way too long. It affects your every decision, your emotions, your thoughts and of course – your life.
Make a firm decision to change your life, to change your state of mind.
Accept the fact that it will be challenging at times, uncomfortable and at times a bit painful.
Get tired of being tired of your life.
- Stop being a victim
In many of your past stories – you are the victim, life happened to you. I saw my mom take on this mindset a long time ago. I listened to her justifying this mindset countless times.
You know you see yourself as a victim when you use phrases like:
“They shouldn’t have ……….”
“If only it had been different…”
“It’s his/hers/their fault……….”
“Why is this keep happening to me?…….”
Dr. Joe Dispenza teaches this in his books, workshops. Check out his YouTube video I tell my potential clients to watch.
Again, it is up to you what you do with this. You can stop being a victim and live a happy, vital and amazing life – or you can keep blaming others and what has been done to you.
- Stop being the old you
As Dr. Joe teaches “95% of who you are by the time you are 35 years old is a set of memorized behaviors and emotional reactions that create our identity subconsciously…”
An identity is a fixed idea that you think describes who you are.
So if you’ve been living your life in the pain from your past, you might see and describe yourself as wounded, victim, martyr, broken, lacking or being helpless and needy. You might feel you are unworthy, unloveable, not capable of getting what you need and just always sad and unhappy.
Decide that you no longer want to be that person. Shed all those old beliefs you created based on painful moments in your life. Start seeing yourself as the amazing, capable, loveable, REAL and PURE human being that you are.
Remind yourself daily of who you no longer want to be, stop being and living as the old you.
- Stop repeating and reliving the story
It would be really amazing if our parents, family, friends and the whole world – when we were growing up – if they all were perfect. We would have nothing to ‘recover from’.
If you are stuck in the past, you are actually repeating and reliving that moment in your mind and body every day and you take it as the truth.
Your body is stuck in the emotions of that moment. Your body lives in the stress of that moment. And you know what prolonged stress does to your body.
Something happened to you (EVENT), and it made you FEEL a certain way. So you are allowing that event to keep affecting how you feel.
E vent → F eeling
As Carolyn Ball explains in her book ‘Claiming Your Self-Esteem’ “it is not the event, but our interpretation of that event that creates the pain!”
E vent → I interpretation → F eeling
You can choose to use the old interpretation of whatever happened – or begin to change your interpretation and thus your feelings and emotions.
- Create the new you
Yes, create the new you. Take a piece of paper and start creating the person you want to be.
Take whatever traits you like about yourself and keep those. The rest have to ‘die’, literally and figuratively speaking.
Who is your idol, who do you follow? Which of their traits would you like to have yourself?
Write it all down.
How does the new you behave? How does the new you feel? What choices do you make as the new you? How do you talk, walk, carry yourself? What thoughts and emotions do you have as the new you?
Once you know who you no longer want to be, it is so much easier not allowing those beliefs to creep in. It is so much easier to be aware when thoughts and emotions that are associated with the old you – are trying to control you again.
The more you know yourself, what makes you tick, what are your triggers, what makes you slip back into the old you – the easier it is to change it.
Bottom Line:
Healing from the past and all the pain doesn’t mean your memories are wiped out clean. Or that you never be in the same situation and feel the same emotions again.
It means that you no longer allow those emotions to control you.
It means that your past and pain is no longer defining who you should be.
It means that the pain no longer directs your decisions and actions.
When you catch yourself noticing a painful memory creeping in, which will happen – acknowledge it – and let it go.
Don’t feed it with your attention, let it pass through like a cloud in the blue sky.
There you have it – 5 choices to heal the pain of the past only you can make! Your ticket to freedom, self-love and self-compassion. Close your eyes and breathe in that new feeling!
Feels amazing, doesn’t it?
Make the choice to heal your life.
I know YOU CAN! Do you?