Fake it till you make it! I’m sure you’ve heard this sentence many times before. It’s been used heavily since the 70’s and it is still being used to encourage make-believe with regards to a component of one’ personality or capabilities.
The Law of Attraction works on the same principle – “believe as if you already have it”.
But there is a fine line between that attitude and a flat out lie.
I practice mindfulness where I prime myself for a successful day. I’m envisioning what I want to achieve that day, how I want to feel, how am I going to serve others.
When I do that, I’m not ‘faking’ or ‘believing’ that I will step into my spaceship and launch into the orbit – even though I really want to!
So, can you fake it till you make it?
‘As if’ attitude
In psychotherapy, acting ‘as if’ is a common advice based on the idea that if you want to become a certain way, you need to behave that certain way. For example:
If you want to feel happier – mimic happy people – smile and stand up straight.
If you want to be more confident – act more confident.
If you want to score more during your soccer game, believe you can do it.
I do have a small problem with this though.
Trying to fake something burns a lot of energy and most of the time we can spot ‘fake’ from miles away.
Vanessa van Edwards conducted a survey in her Science of People, where she asked 1,036 readers to answer this question:
Which of these people’s habits annoy you the MOST?
- People who are talkative
- People who are too quiet
- People who are fake
- People who show off
Can you guess which answer was the absolute winner? 3 – by far!
Fake doesn’t just happen when you are trying to be something that is not in your core traits. In my case, if I don’t like somebody – I can ‘fake’ to like them, but they will feel it. The most I can do is to respect them. And if somebody doesn’t like me – I can feel it as well. I’m sure you know the feeling.
If you are unhappy at an event that you were dreading to attend, people will sense it. Same way as happiness and laughter is contagious, so is your misery. And as we already learned – we can spot fake from across the room.
When is ‘faking’ ok?
When it refers to the core of who you are and your abilities.
When you correctly identify what is holding you back from being or behaving a certain way.
One thing I learned the hard way is that ‘confidence is contagious and so is lack of confidence’ and people will recognize and react to both!
If you are a shy person just like me (yeah, nobody ever believes that) and you dread going to events where you don’t know many people – but you need to make new connections to scale your business – act more confident (even though the sweat is dripping from your back).
Work the ‘fake it’ to your strengths.
I’m shy, but I’m damn funny and I don’t do small talk. I ask unique questions that spark great conversations. I used to ‘act confident’ until one day I wasn’t acting anymore.
If you want to feel more confident – act more confident!
When you change your behavior, when you ‘fake it’, it can change the way you think and feel.
Our emotions are the foundation of our mindset. Behaving like the person you want to become is about changing the way you feel and think.
“Take control of your consistent emotions and begin to consciously and deliberately reshape your daily experience of life.” – Tony Robbins
When is faking NOT ok?
When you are trying to prove your worth to other people.
When you are trying to project the image of ultimate success to others.
When you want to increase your self-worth by getting expensive stuff.
One of the things many people don’t know about me, is that I am an HR Professional. I used to work as HR Director. But before that, I used to conduct job interviews.
Some candidates were faking being confident when talking to me (because I was a ‘scary’ interviewer) and that was fine with me.
But some of them tried to fake their competency and abilities. And you can bet your sweet ass I was on to them immediately.
You can’t pretend to be fluent in Russian, Karen, when you can’t even say ‘Как дела́?’ (Kak dyela means How are you?)
Putting so much effort into faking something that is not in your core traits will use up all your mental resources and interfere with your ability to make good choices.
Is there a right way to ‘fake it’?
Whatever people do or don’t do, they have a reason behind their actions. They may not know what that reason is – at least not consciously. They might be scared
As long as your motivation is to change yourself on the inside, and not trying to change other people’s perceptions of you – you are good.
Make empowering, positive shifts in your everyday interactions, and you will shift your mindset and direction of your life. Change your behavior first and trust and believe the feelings will follow.
Acting ‘as if’ or ‘fake it till you make it’ doesn’t mean you are con artists or that you are inauthentic.
If you have a deep hunger to change or improve something about yourself and you fake that behavior with strong trust and belief in order to get there – then eventually the power of habit will set it.
I know YOU CAN! Do you?
P.S. With my core workout video, you don’t need to fake a strong core! Because you will simply have it!
Do each move for 60 seconds, then add the next move, then REPEAT.
- Burpee – 4x Plank jack
- Burpee – 4x Plank jack – 2x Firecracker
- Burpee – 4x Plank jack – 2x Firecracker – ALT Lightning Bolt
- Burpee – 4x Plank jack – 2x Firecracker – ALT Lightning Bolt – ALT Ski Abs